Unicorn Boner Awards 2008

Gold star for the day goes to Unicorn Boner fanatic Pookie. He found an elusive Unicorn sandwich stand.

The magic of Unicorns cannot be reserved only for their Boners and flying and whatnot. They can also live solely by eating their own 100% real Kraft Unicorn spunk--selling the excess to us lowly humans for a tidy profit. It whitens teeth and build strong healthy bones too. Amazing!

Condiments

Thanks to a huge Unicorn Boner fan we have this great clip.

What About Unicorn Balls?

I get asked a lot about Unicorn Boners this and Unicorn Boners that. But yesterday at a cousin's christening someone asked me, what about the balls?

Well Father McCormick, Unicorns don't have balls. They have magic ovaries that make soft serve.

Mmmm Hmmm

Yup.

Howl!

Ginsberg loved getting railed by Unicorns.

Planet Unicorn

A world of Unicorns, and their boners. Truly a vision, so filled with promise, only the idealistic mind of an 8 year old could conjure.

Unicorn Boner Pic contest

We at UB are now accepting submissions to our annual/weekly/daily Unicorn Boner Picture competition.

While we prefer the photographic arts, (Man Ray had a Boner for Unicorns, Cellos and naked women--in that order), we fully understand the elusive quality of these fine creatures, and their equally elusive and fine Boners. And so will also accept hand drawn, painted (either watercolor or oil), stenciled, finger-painted, collaged, sculpted, and velveted submissions.

Please submit to unicornboners@gmail.com

Winner's work will be showcased on this blog.

A Unicorn Boner Dilettante

Looks like there is some competition out there for Unicorn Boner supremacy.


Well, Sharon Mesmer, until you've flung yourself down the glorious shaft of the magical-type beast that defies description like the pole of your local volunteer Fire Dept., as if the abandoned mill down by the river (the one where the lovable, ragamuffin runaways from troubled, yet ultimately ennobling circumstances sleep--along side a box full of mewing kittens) is burning, you should perhaps not speak of such things.

We are professionals here. We'll leave erotic poetry to people who don't require "companionship," who enjoy curling up with a good book, and who aren't afraid of paper cuts in private places.

Leave the Unicorn Boners to us.

Our Mission Statement

Here at Unicorn Boners we bring you the best in Unicorns, Boners and Unicorn Boners. There isn't much else to worry about beyond that equation.

It's a Koan, really. Do Unicorns have Boners? And if Unicorns had Boners, how awesome would they be?

It was Descartes who first posited that a Unicorn without a Boner would be an imperfect Unicorn. And a Unicorn is a perfect being. Therefore, a Unicorn must have a Boner. A perfect, Unicorn-ish Boner.

Obligatory Charlie link

No boners, but this is one awesome unicorn, who probably has an awesome boner.

Unicorn Boners

As discussed at a Barack Obama rally--this blog has been birthed. More to come soon.