Thursday, July 17, 2008

Obamacorn Boners continued

'Nuff said.

Obama Boner

Like you didn't already know--we were way ahead of this Barack Obama Unicorn thing. He inspired this blog.

This week's winner for best Uniporn.

Monday, July 14, 2008


Earlier we at UB issued a broadside to Sharon Mesmer--who we deemed to be a novice appreciator of the glorious Unicorn Boner. But we are happy to report that she is a full fledged veteran of Unicorn Bonerdom. Check it:

An excerpt from her poem


..."Every day I feel a little horny"
is clearly a nod to the unicorn boner --
solidarity with all things happy
and fluffy
and horny.

As pink, as new, and as loud
as a moist newborn Unicorn boner.
And when you follow your moist newborn unicorn boner
boners will occur
where you would not have thought there were boners,
and where there wouldn't be boners for anyone else...

She is the motherfucking John McCain of Unicorn Boners, if Jon McCain weren't such a pussy, and Unicorn Boners were like torture and if they had fathered an illegitimate black baby--Barack Obama.

So to be clear: Sharon Mesmer is awesome, loves Unicorn Boners, and John McCain is Barack Obama's father. And Barack Obama is black.

I'm happy to add Sharon's blog to our roll.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

The Crapaway

We at Unicorn Boners have been silent on this issue long enough.
In New York City we have a radio show known as The Takeaway, sponsored by PRI, WNYC, The New York Times and all other manner of fellow-traveler commie-islamo-terror-fascist organizations. With that kind of backing you might think they could manage to not ruin our morning. But you would be retardedly wrong for thinking so.

The format is simple, live, morning drive, with two hosts: John Hockenberry and Adaora Udoji.

John Hockenberry is a paraplegic so we'll leave him out of this. Even Unicorn Boners couldn't make his lower half work again. And besides, he's actually not that bad, though the science segments are a bit dropped in with the news items of the day. I mean really, how often can you bring the guy from the Hayden planetarium in to chat before it turns into a D&D game?

But the other host, Adaora Udoji, is the most insanely stupid person I have ever heard speak. And I'm from Connecticut, birth place of mealy-mouthed, Benji of the Oval Office George W Bush. Let's look past the self-described "Howard Stern of public radio" label. I'll even look past the way she fumbles every word as if some smarter person living inside of her were trying to climb out her throat.

What must be addressed are the stupid questions, followed by stupid follow-ups, followed then (with a brain-meltingly knowing tone) by the begging of clarification on something that needs no clarification. "But, is the sky really blue?" "Am I an idiot?" "Is this a microphone or a practice phallus?"

Waking to this is like having a drunken one night stand, only to then realize in the sober morning, that it wasn't just a lazy eye she had, but rather she had been burned about the face with the devils jism, (which resembles herpes, a bad sunburn, and seborrhea) and she's your cousin. The ugly one.

Please make it stop. I'll agree to get Chinese finger-trapped by Leonard Lopate and Brian Lehrer if I can get Morning Edition back.